Should we ban the use of bossy when referring to women or girls? Yes, according to Sheryl Sandberg. Bossy is now the other “B” word and can keep women or girls from reaching their full leadership potential.
I can see Sandberg’s point. I have been called bossy and an alpha female several times. As a child, I was bossy. As a woman, I was the alpha female with a “strong personality.” In fact, someone once told me my theme song should be Bossy by Kelis.//
I’m bossy! I’m the [girl] y’all love to hate
You don’t have to love me
You don’t even have to like me
But you will respect me
You know why?
Cause I’m a boss!
The problem with being called bossy or an alpha female is that when it’s used, it’s not meant as a compliment. And that can lead to women not reaching their full potential. Because they are scared. Scared of being criticized or even worse, told they need to revise their approach. Most people really mean you’re too aggressive, too demanding, you’re a dictator, or that other dreaded “B” word. When someone says you’re too bossy, they want you to take it down a notch. They want you to soften up, flower up, keep things rosy.
Those implications do bother me. I have been in meetings with men that don’t care how they deliver the message or motivate a team. They have the “like it or not, approach” and it’s accepted. No one complains, no one cringes, not one person takes it personally. It’s because the expectation is that men lead and the rest follow. Women, well we’re supposed to keep that team spirit– that sometimes means “encouraging” your team to follow along, agree to the plan, buy into things. We’re expected to use Jedi tactics to make it seem like we aren’t in fact, the boss or bossy. The same leadership skills that men use are unacceptable when used by women.
All of that right there is what’s keeping women from reaching their full leadership potential. It’s draining and it drains the process of whatever we’re trying to accomplish. It takes away from the full potential of whatever you’re trying to accomplish. Rather than focusing on specific words or phrases, we need to focus on expecting the same of men and women in leadership roles and those working their way up the ladder. A bossy woman is confident, qualified, and has been tasked to lead because of her credentials or experience. You may not like her, but you will respect her.
What do you think? Is the word bossy a bad word?
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