Life after divorce is not easy. Few people really know what you are dealing with especially if your divorce was extremely hostile and toxic.
When people hear my story, they are surprised I still smile. I have a lot to be thankful and grateful for regardless of a constant, toxic presence in my life.
I wake up every day, walk up the stairs to my home office, manage my workload, delegate tasks, work with some of the biggest global brands doing what started as a hobby 13 years ago, am trusted by some the smartest lawyers and service professionals I know to manage their social media marketing and think “wow, won’t HE do it!!” It makes me smile just to think about it.
I am healthy despite congestive heart failure almost 16 years ago. My kids are healthy and have honors and AP classes and make good grades. We have a nice little beach house and eat healthy food. I am very fortunate compared to many people.
There are days, however, I am so frustrated that I have to stop and remember all of the above.
There are also days all three kids are upset with me, and that’s okay. Raising three teens alone is not anything I thought I would ever do yet, here I am! l love my kids and I will never stop fighting for what is in their best interest even if it makes them upset or I am positioned as the strict parent, unwilling to contribute money to let the kids have fun or have material things just because.
My priorities for the kids are essential needs and best education/academic opportunities first, experiences next. Material, temporary things after the real stuff. It is okay if that is not the same priority for everyone else.
I have a son going to college in just a few months and I am prioritizing all my coins to ensure he has everything he needs to start college on the right foot. Books, TUITION, dorm room supplies, FOOD, clothes, etc. Maybe even a parking pass for campus. In my day, that would have been a big-time luxury. I took the city bus and rode my bike during my first year at the University of Florida (and walked 23 miles up a hill with no coat, barefoot in the snow in Cleveland when I was just 9 years-old-ha!).
Right now, my car sounds like a cat is dying when you use the breaks. I would love to buy myself a new ride. But, my “dying cat car” is a 2014 Mercedes so why complain? My new to me car is around the corner.
Sure, I want to go to Paris for my birthday, like I did over the last few years. I have not been since 2018. Paris will be there when it’s time to go back and I have had more visits than some people have had in a lifetime. I will be there soon enough, I am not worried.
As for today, I am manifesting tuition money, scholarships, student loan forgiveness, new clients, unexpected resources, abundance, and all of that plus some. I already know it will be done. Anyone that knows me knows that I will find a way or make one. That makes me smile.
I encourage anyone going through a difficult divorce or time to do the same. Keep smiling and finding joy in your heart. Also, practice these easy positivity actions.
Staying Positive After an Unhealthy Divorce
- Train your mind to focus on what is working right in your life and expect more of that to happen. “What you think about you bring about.”
- Get rid of negative, unproductive thoughts. It’s easy to wake up with dread on your heart or mind. Wake up and think of four positive thoughts each day. Four positive things are easy, just think on it.
- Don’t worry about what is wrong. (My daily challenge!) Worrying puts you at a negative frequency and can block your blessing. Instead, focus on what you are doing to improve and turnaround whatever worries you.
- Forget what others are doing and focus on what you can control. Your former spouse may thrive on trying to maintain some level of control over you and your emotions. Forget what they are doing and focus on only what you can control. Also, you cannot control everything. Remember that and hope for the best.
- Speak what you want into existence and be grateful for what you expect to happen. For example, I am already grateful that tuition will be taken care of, even though I don’t know yet how it will happen. I just know that it will.
- Visualize how you want your life to be. New car? Picture yourself in it. New house? Find one you like online and imagine yourself furnishing it. New job? Where would you be and what would you be doing? Visualize it and feel it happening.
- Surround yourself with positive and happy people. Their positive energy will contribute to positivity in your life as well, and vice versa.
- Continue to seek information and educate yourself on living a positive life. I have read some really great spiritual guidance books that have opened my mind to how important positive thinking is. These books are teaching me to redirect my thoughts when I am frustrated and helping me personally and professionally. I also love to watch YouTube videos that inspire positive thoughts and practical tips. There are so many great channels and podcasts out there for all walks of life.
Stay encouraged, friends. Free yourself from negativity. A simple motto I like to live by is, “Live free or die.” It’s the Haitian way.
Xoxo
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