You know that family where the siblings get along, help each other, are compassionate, patient, and speak to each other in normal voices? That’s not our family. It seems lately that my kids do not know how to communicate with each other without fighting. When I was thinking about this a few weeks ago I realized I don’t really know how to parent in this situation because I didn’t grow up getting along with my brother. My older brother and I mostly stayed away from each other, otherwise we fought all the time. We are four years apart so we were never in the same school. His high school years were probably the worst time between us. I spent them counting down the days until he went to college. When that day happened, however, I cried like a baby for days and days. Go figure.
In the parenting and self-help books that I’ve read, I learned that what we are not taught as children, we don’t know how to teach our own children. That makes perfect sense. My mom was exasperated with us, that’s all that I remember. She didn’t teach us how to get along. Although my parents were never divorced, my dad moved away when I was in middle school to “commute” many states away. He came home about one weekend a month leaving my mom, who worked a full time job, to suddenly take care of a middle schooler and high schooler all by herself. She did the best she knew how.
My own mom was raised by her father and grandmother. My mom’s mom died after giving birth to her. I don’t know much about how my mom grew up but I do know that her dad was very strict and her grandmother was not exactly healthy. She was helping my grandfather to raise the five children his wife left behind.
So here I am, the third generation of moms in my family and it’s obvious I don’t have a good role model as to how to parent my kids to just be nice to each other.
Before my children get much older I need to figure this out. My younger two get along better with each other in the trio. But I’ve noticed lately that their patience is wearing very thin. So it’s time to do something. When they spend hours apart and then reconnect they get along fine. But on days when we’re cooped up in the house, the bickering goes on for hours and hours.
So how do I help my children in this situation without losing my mind and patience? I have no idea.
How do you get your kids to stop bickering and love each other?
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